Waiting
by Corinth
Summary: Ch.1 Allison Cameron's musings on her relationship with House. Ch. 2 Lisa Cuddy's thoughts. Ch. 3 Stacy Warner's POV. Please R and R!
1. Allison Cameron

I own nothing.

* * *

House. Well, that's a complicated topic. I guess a good place to start is the truth. I_ am_ in love with him.

I have always been attracted to intelligent people. I would never pick a handsome man over a smart one. House just happens to be both.

I know he was a legend when he was in school. Cuddy told me. I always smile, thinking about that. I can imagine him in college. Except for the lack of a limp. It was wonderful, but very foreign, when he didn't use his cane after Moriarty shot him. House without a cane is like Groucho Marx without the glasses, nose, and moustache. I know, I know, House would heckle me mercilessly for my poor analogy. In any case, I was not at all surprised that House was as extraordinary back then as he is now. I'm sure he could be no less.

Chase, Foreman, and I are so lucky to work with him. It's so incredible, the way he diagnoses all these people. Sometimes, I admit, it takes him several attempts, but he always gets it before it is too late. Well, almost always. And although most observers would probably say that he is too nonchalant about the lives we lose, I don't think so. I think he and I are alike in this manner. I can get so upset about ruining people's lives that I can hardly do my job. House escapes this paralysis by pretending not to care, but I have witnessed him being extremely rattled after a death.

I hated House at first. I'm certain everyone who had met him hated him at first, but I got past that. This, if nothing else, is proof that I don't just love him because he's 'damaged'. I saw that his leg pained him the day I interviewed for the position, and I wondered at the possibility of psychosis upon hearing him speak. I didn't think anyone could be so cold and sarcastic. If it was my tendency to latch onto damaged people, I would have done so immediately, or at least after he made his first jibe at me.

I don't deny that I like taking care of House, however. It has nothing to do with his leg, or anything like that. I enjoy caring for him the way I would a husband. I like making him tea, even though he pretends to hate it. I couldn't help being concerned about him when he was in pain, and I wouldn't bother hiding my worry. Despite appearances, House takes amazing care of the three of us, such good care that I'm afraid he forgets to give himself much notice.

It took me a long time to figure him out, but I think he understood me within the first month of working together. He isn't completely off base with his accusation of me falling for damaged people; it just doesn't apply to him. I married my husband because he was dying and had no family, and I didn't want him to be alone at the end. I know I ended up hurting myself, possibly more than I helped him, but I can't regret it as long as there is any chance that the succor I gave him was more than my pain.

I love working for House. I love the camaraderie I have with Chase and Foreman, and to a certain extent Cuddy and Wilson. Princeton-Plainsboro is home to me, a home as I have never had, not even with my husband. I love that we can talk to each other about more than medicine. I even sometimes like House's jokes. I really do hate sports metaphors, though.

Most of all, I love House. Maybe it's naïve, holding onto my feeling for him, but I don't think so. Sometimes he will look at me differently than anyone else, and he will talk to me about many things that he won't mention to Chase and Foreman. He entrusted me to give him Ketamine, and his eyes found mine among the crowd of people around him as he lay on the gurney. I hope his eyes continue to fall on me. I'll always be there, waiting for him.


	2. Lisa Cuddy

House. Well, that's a complicated topic. Do I love him? I'm not sure.

If someone asked me if I hate him, it would be a lot easier to come up with an answer. Of course I hate him. Who doesn't hate him? House doesn't even like himself.

I hate the way he always puts everyone into the most horrible positions, forcing them to be the ethics police and stop him from doing whatever crazy thing has gotten into his head this time. I could never begin to count the number of complaints I have had about him, from patients to staff to random delivery people. He treats them all equally badly. I guess that's something. At least he is mean to everyone. It gives us all a sort of camaraderie- those who have been cut down by Gregory House.

I hate that he is so much smarter than the rest of us. I know his genius saves lives, but that only bolsters his ego even more. I didn't agree with Wilson when he didn't want to tell House that his foundationless treatment saved that one man, but I understood why Wilson thought that was the best way to act.

I know that, as his boss, I shouldn't let him sway my opinions very often. And I think I've done a fair job of keeping him in line, loosening my grip a little when I can, but exercising my control. Until recently.

Maybe we know each other too well. He can tell when I am wavering, when I am unsure, and he immediately assails me with all the reasons he is right. I feel like I have been giving in more and more. Letting him do crazier things. And I wonder why I've changed.

It's my job to be the authority figure. I don't have a problem asserting myself or fighting people for what I think is right.

House just makes me think that I'm not right.

I know that House, despite his cold, unfeeling demeanor, is a good person. Even though he is addicted to those damn pills, even though he seems to constantly be bending if not shattering the rules, I think he has good in him. I know he cares about Cameron, Chase, Foreman, Wilson, and me. I love that about him.

And that is why I hate him. I hate that I trust him more than I trust myself. I hate that he seems to know more about me than I do. I hate that he can predict my actions but he is constantly catching me off guard. I hate that I admire him, and that I have this ridiculous need for him to admire me. Not just respect my authority, but respect me.

I hate that he makes me weaker.

I remember that time when Stacy was in my office and House came in to talk to me. He said that I do not see the huge gap between the way things are and the way I want it all to be, which is why I hired him. He also said I will never be happy.

He was right. Somehow I can't convince myself that love and hate don't mix. I hate House. I hate him, but I love him. How can I possibly be happy when I am so torn?

I am always hoping for the reconciliation of my feelings, for some proof that loving House and hating him are not so far apart. I just feel stuck. I hate this.

I'll go about with my life, of course, but I'll stay here, motionless on one side of the chasm, trying desperately to bridge the gap and find happiness. Waiting. I think I'll be waiting for a long time.


	3. Stacy Warner

Greg. Well, that's a complicated topic. If I _had_ to define our relationship, I would say that I am in love with him. But that doesn't even begin to cover it.

Greg and I were so…together. I don't think anyone who saw us together would deny that we had something great. It seemed like it could last, and a long-term commitment is probably the last thing people expect of Greg.

I don't know what made us different, but I know that we were. I'm well aware of the jerk he can be…I've heard enough from Lisa, from his team. I see how he mocks them, and how he never seems to care. But he always listens to me. When I tell him to tone it down, to make some sort of amends, he does it. He trusts me. As far as I know, Greg has never trusted anyone.

James of all people knows how different Greg is around me. He and I are in the same situation; we are the two closest people to the most unreachable man, and so we know what he is really like. I would be inclined to say that Greg can still act maliciously to James, but it still isn't the same way he acts to Chase, Foreman, and Allison. In any case, I believe James and I are the only people who really know Greg and can see what he is really like.

Greg only ever treated me well. Alright, there were some bad times. Really bad times. Of course I still don't think he should have stolen my file, he shouldn't be so hateful to people.

But I shouldn't have left.

I think we are even. He was angry at me about my actions when he had the infarction, he was mad that I left him during his recovery. Retribution should probably not be part of love, but it was in our relationship, and I know we were in love. I don't hold his actions against him, even though I know he still might have bitter thoughts about me. I just don't care. I love Greg House, and that's enough for me.

But it was all too much. It sounds ridiculous to say we were too perfect for each other, but that's what I think. Greg was a changed man around me. He was kind, considerate, loving…I loved that I brought out that side of him, when no one else did. On the rare occasions that he was with me and someone else saw, I registered the disbelief in their eyes that this man, this man famous for his caustic nature, could be any different.

I guess it all comes down to the fact that he was Greg around me and House to everyone else. I saw both sides, and I admit that I sometimes loathed House. But I always, always loved Greg.

We were so perfect that I changed him into Greg, but his life demands that he be House. He needs to be the impulsive, "narcissistic pain-in-the-ass" to save people. Even if he loses himself along the way.

I think I've given up on Greg. It's not at all that I don't still care about him, because I do. I'm still completely in love with him. I just don't bother hoping anymore that it will work out between us. It won't. It can't, even though we belong together.

If I'm completely honest with myself, part of me hates Greg for the man he feels he has to be. Miserable, harsh, alone. I only have to think of what I always saw in his eyes before he kissed me to know that he could be better, happier.

But I will always love him. I married Mark. I do love Mark. But Mark is not Greg, and therefore even though it works, it's not right. But it's the best I can do, the closest I can come to being happy. I can't wait forever.


End file.
